A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.

Well, he's a little pissed, but he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"

Liiissssssaaaaaa.......you are sooooooooo bad.....ha ha ha..... Jon might have to censor you........  

hahaha.....good one Lisa

I've got more but did I put this folder in the wrong category?  Do I need to move it?

Woman Golfer

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.  

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down..

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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.

Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.


Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense of humor.

Yea....more stuff....funny, Lisa....Whose side are you on anyway....traitor....ha ha ha....

Lenore  

--Last edited by Lenore on 2007-09-07 20:04:47 --

OK, Lisa - - I have  joke that pulls your two together - - - Here goes:

A foresome are out on the golf course one sunny afternoon and one of the men hits his ball out of bounds, into a field of buttercups. He begins to kick around looking for the ball, when he hears this little high pitched voice coming from nowhere, saying, "Please sir, this is Mother Nature, please, do not hurt my buttercups!  Won't you please just pick up your ball and throw it back onto the fairway?" So, being a bit stunned at the request from a voice he could not see, he did as requested. The voice re appeared, saying, "Oh, kind sir, you will be handsomely rewarded for your good deed. For the rest of your life, you will never want for butter. Your refrigerator will be continuously replenished". The walks away disgusted, saying to his friends, "Why in the hell did the ball have to land in the field of buttercups and not in the patch of pussywillows?"

Miss Cyndee....I am appalled.....You are baaadddddddd!!!!  
ha ha ha......  

The Raven.....    

--Last edited by Lenore on 2007-09-07 19:39:36 --

9-6-07 - 11:59 p.m. cdt

The Bathtub Test
During a visit to a Mental Asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria was which defined whether or not a person should be institutionalized?
"Well," the Director said, "We fill up a bathtub with water to the top and then hand the patient a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket and ask them to empty the tub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket instead of the teaspoon or the teacup because it is bigger."
"No," said the Director. "A normal person would have pulled the plug out of the tub. Would you like a bed by the window?"

9/7/07

Sandy, That is hysterical!  Never heard that one before! Fun one to share!

Cyn

Frid, Sept. 7, 2007 9:43 am

I like the bathtub joke, funny!  O'k here is one I sent out last week.  Cyn and Lenore you have seen this one.

Subject:  Forgiveness with a sense of humor

Toward  the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of  you have forgiven your enemies?"

80%  held up their hands.

The  Minister then repeated his question.

All  responded this time, except one small elderly lady.

"Mrs.   Jones ?"; "Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

I  don't have any." She replied, smiling sweetly.

"Mrs.  Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety-eight."  she replied.

"Oh,   Mrs. Jones , would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person  can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the  world?"

The  little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the
Congregation,  and said:

"I  outlived the  b*t***s."  

--Last edited by lisaj on 2007-09-10 00:12:38 --

O'k here is a stupid joke...

What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?


Here it comes....



Oh Boy!



Bacon and legs!!!  ha ha

Sept. 9

While a bit risque, Lisa thought I should post this joke I sent
her earlier today:

There was a chicken and a horse playing together on a farm one day. The horse fell into a mud pit and yelled to the chicken to run to the house and get the farmer. The chicken ran to the house and the farmer was nowhere to be found. So, it got into the farmer's BMW and pulled the horse out with it.

The next day the chicken and the horse were playing on the farm again. This time the chicken fell into the mud pit and yelled to the horse to get help. So, the horse stood over the mud pit and told the chicken to grab on to his "member" and he'd pull him out. The chicken grabbed on and, indeed, the horse pulled him out.

The moral of the story: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.

Sept. 9

While a bit risque, Lisa thought I should post this joke I sent
her earlier today:

There was a chicken and a horse playing together on a farm one day. The horse fell into a mud pit and yelled to the chicken to run to the house and get the farmer. The chicken ran to the house and the farmer was nowhere to be found. So, it got into the farmer's BMW and pulled the horse out with it.

The next day the chicken and the horse were playing on the farm again. This time the chicken fell into the mud pit and yelled to the horse to get help. So, the horse stood over the mud pit and told the chicken to grab on to his "member" and he'd pull him out. The chicken grabbed on and, indeed, the horse pulled him out.

The moral of the story: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.

Whoops - - sorry to hit the button twice by mistake - - the joke was not THAT funny!

  ha ha ha ha ha.....all of those jokes are marvelous ladies....ha ha ha....etc....

O.K....now tell me a story about your funniest moment on a set......begin now.....ha ha ha    

--Last edited by Lenore on 2007-09-07 20:02:31 --

9/8/07

Perhaps I am brain dead - - but, no funny happenings "on set" comes to mind. I might just have to stick to telling jokes! Sorry, Frack the Raven - - However, I am interested in hearing about more of yours - - and, in the meantime, I will try to think of something.

Everyone ejoy the weekend!

Cyn

O'k...Here is another joke of the day

Dwarf with a lisp

A dwarf with a lisp goes to a stud farm to buy a horse, “I’d like to buy a horth” he says to the owner of the farm.
“What sort of horse? Asks the owner.
“A female horth” the dwarf replies and so the owner takes him to his finest mare.

“Nithe horth” says the dwarf, “Can I thee her eyth?”
The owner patiently picks up the dwarf and shows him the horse’s eye’s.

“Nithe eyeh” says the dwarf, “Can I thee her teeth?”
Again, the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horse’s teeth.
“Nithe teeth, can I see her eerth?” the dwarf says.

By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again picks up the dwarf and shows him the horse’s ears.
“Nithe eerth”, says the dwarf, “Can I see her twot?
Irritated with this, the owner picks up the dwarf and shoves his head deep inside the horse’s “special place” and holds him there for a few seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.

The dwarf shakes his head and says, “Perhaps I should weefwaze that, can I see her wun awound?”


(This is politically incorrect and I deeply apologize if I have offended any one, their family members  and horses.)

Oh...my...my...my....LISA AND CYNDEE....my...my....my....

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha....etc.....

Soooooo.....we're still on the farm jokes, too.....can't help but.....ha ha ha ha ha....again...etc....  

--Last edited by Lenore on 2007-09-08 10:42:58 --

Well, Mz. Raven, if you wish to have some variety and get off of the farm jokes, here is one about church - -  -after all, tomorrow is Sunday, so it would only be appropriate to tell a church related joke, huh?

A guy comes home from to church one Sunday and his friend notices that he has a black eye. Being a bit curious as to what happened, the guy says, "Well, as we stood up to sing the first hymn, Mrs. O'Leary's was standing in front of me and I noticed that her dress was stuck in the crack of her behind. So, not wanting her to be embarassed about that, I reached over the pew and pulled her dress out - - - - at which time, she turned around and slugged me in the eye".

The following week, same guy runs into his same friend on Sunday and, unbelievably, this poor guy is supporting another shiner. So, of course, his friend cannot help but ask what happened this time. "Well, ironically, I was seated right behind Mrs. O'Leary again in church. When we stood up to sing the first hymn, I noticed that her dress was hanging normally. After her reaction from last week, I thought she preferred it the way it was last week, so I tried to stuff the dress back in!"