Just in case you need a laugh:
>
> Remember  it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high
> school  diploma to fix one; a reassurance for those of us who fly
> routinely in  our jobs.


>
> After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a  form, called a 'gripe sheet,'
> which tells mechanics about problems  with the aircraft.

The mechanics
> correct the problems, document  their repairs on the form, and then
> pilots review the gripe sheets  before the next flight.


>
> Never let it be said that  ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are
somme actual  maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked
> with a P) and  the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
>  engineers.


>
> By the way, UPS is the only major airline  that has never, ever, had an
> accident.


>
> P: Left  inside main tire almost needs replacement.


> S: Almost replaced  left inside main tire.


> *
> P: Test flight OK, except  auto-land very rough.


> S: Auto-land not installed on this  aircraft.


> *
> P: Something loose in cockpit
> S:  Something tightened in cockpit
> *
> P: Dead bugs on  windshield.


> S: Live bugs on back-order.


>  *
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per  minute
> Descent
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on  ground.


> *
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing  gear.


> S: Evidence removed.


> *
> P: DME  volume unbelievably loud.


> S: DME volume set to more believable  level.


> *
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to  stick.


> S: That's what friction locks are for.


>  *
> P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.


> S: IFF always  inoperative in OFF mode.


> *
> P: Suspected crack in  windshield.


> S: Suspect you're right.


> *
>  P: Number 3 engine missing.


> S: Engine found on right wing  after brief search
> *
> P: Aircraft handles funny.

(I love  this one!)
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be  serious.


> *
> P: Target radar hums.


> S:  Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.


> *
> P: Mouse in  cockpit.


> S: Cat installed.


> *
> And the  best one for last
> *
> P: Noise coming from under instrument  panel.

Sounds like a midget
> pounding on something with a  hammer.


> S: Took hammer away from midget
>  


FREE YOUR MIND